So, the time has come for me to subject myself to the ‘Turning 60’ interview and let you know how I feel about it all!! Here goes…
For me, 60 feels quite different from 50 or 40. I feel relaxed about 60 – it has a feeling of ‘space’ about it… space that I don’t yet know how I will fill. I don’t feel old… although I do know that when I was in my teens and twenties, 60-year-olds seemed ancient… so I guess that’s how I must seem to ‘young people’! But I’d like to think I still have a fairly youthful outlook, and am still up for fun even if it has to finish by 10pm these days! I think that societal change means that 60 is not really old anymore. Maybe it’s the expectation on women to work longer (that’s a NO from me) or the opportunities to have more varied careers / generally do more ‘stuff’? I guess I have seen change in my lifetime for women, but it pains me that we still have so far to go. Misogyny is alive and kicking in 2026 and I get heartily sick of middle-aged-(or even young)-white-men-in-suits-(or even jeans and t-shirts) getting to tell us what to do (politicians, bosses, ‘influencers’ etc). I like to think I am feminine (whatever that means), alongside which, I am staunchly feminist.
In terms of celebrating, I didn’t feel that I wanted the ‘bells and whistles’ that came with the parties I threw for my 40th and 50th birthdays. Instead, I treated myself to a trip away – see my posts about Spain in Blogging through my 50s. After 5 days solo, my kids joined me in Malaga. Taking them away for my 60th was something I had wanted to do for ages – I couldn’t think of two people I wanted to celebrate with more. The focus of my actual birthday was FOOD, as we indulged in a 12 course tasting menu at an upmarket restaurant on the marina. It was perfect ❤️. In fact, the whole trip and experience of celebrating 60 could not have been better.
That phrase is a joy to write, as looking back, there aren’t many things about my life that I would say could not have been better. It’s been a life of twists and turns, and I’m definitely not where I thought I’d be, either personally or professionally. Let’s start with the latter…
Firstly, let me say that a degree in languages from Oxford and a teaching background has got me quite a long way in career terms… just not in the direction I set sail for many years ago. I spent my childhood / youth into early adulthood in a love affair with the flute, and was determined – and maybe with a fair wind, destined – to be a professional flautist. Grade 8 at 11, bi-weekly flute lessons in London with the same teacher who taught James Galway, Welsh Young Musician at age 16. I never even gave a second thought to any other path in life and have some wonderful memories of such things as playing for the Queen Mother at the opening of St David’s Hall, playing with my chamber music group and local youth orchestra in the Royal Albert Hall, my years on the ‘Nash’ (National Youth Orchestra of Wales) and of course the amazing (and sometimes wild) social life that came with it all. But going to music college at 18 was not the right decision for me, and that coupled with a forceful father who would not let me call that year quits, had such a negative impact on me that I packed my flute into its box at 21 and didn’t get it out again until I was 40. I think I still mourn those lost years, and I have a difficult relationship with my flute and with playing music in general as a result.
The uncertainty that came with changing my mind about something I’d been so certain about also had quite a negative effect on my confidence. I struggled with homesickness at uni along with a severe lack of self-belief, and after graduation settled back in Cardiff in a succession of unsuitable jobs with little idea of what I really wanted to do. It therefore came as something of a surprise to all who knew me when I announced my intention to go to Brussels to work as an au pair. I was, without doubt, the worst au pair anyone could have wished for! Not much liking little kids, being crap at housework, and partying the weekends away did not endear me to the host family… but the experience was amazing. And it changed my life. Without that 9 months abroad, I would never have decided on teacher training, nor managed to live and work in a number of cities in England both before and during my marriage.
Which brings me to where I am personally. I still remember my wedding day as one of the happiest of my life and I don’t think we had a bad marriage. Maybe turbulent at times. And on reflection a lot of it was spend misaligned both geographically and emotionally. But divorce at 50 was unexpected and unwanted, and singledom in your 50s / 60s is not easy. I expected that as I think about retirement, it would be with kids having flown the nest (they have) and with my husband at my side to enjoy our time (he’s not). However, on the positive side I have done things I never would have done had I stayed in that relationship – this blog being one of them and my recent travels being another. I think I’m accustomed to being solo now – and at times, I even enjoy it. Although I can still see advantages to having a partner… #justsayin’ to any ‘matchmakers’ out there! 😊
The question of how I’d ask you to describe me to a potential suitor is a difficult one. I have a postcard on my wall that reads ‘I am a complex and beautiful being’… which I think is pretty apt! I have incredibly high expectations of myself – a hangover from my upbringing – and that has made for feelings of never really having fulfilled my potential in life (also linked to the flute, of course). I have tried to be a very different parent to my own kids than the parents I had – I love the two of them to the moon and back and am immensely proud of them both… and I’ve made sure they both know that. I also highly value my friends and hope they see me as loyal. They probably also see me as a strong, independent woman (which is a blessing and a curse!) who has learned to rely on herself. I’m certainly not one to let opportunities pass me by just because I can’t find anyone to do/go/be with. I’m a little bit woo-woo… love angels, crystals, all sorts of readings (horoscopes, cards, palms etc). I’d also describe myself as colourful (think hair!) and creative. And I think a lot. A lot… That has taken me to a succession of therapies through my adult life – counselling, coaching, holistic… you name it, I’ve probably tried it! I guess trying to reach a place of peace with some difficult childhood / young adulthood experiences and to make sense of the person they have made me into. Work constantly in progress!!
And what does life at 60 and beyond hold in store for me? Well, there is definitely more of the world that I want to see. I have got quite the travel bug these days and my travel bucket list isn’t going to tick itself off! I also think I’m gearing up to move out of the city. Coast or countryside, UK or abroad, I’ve not quite decided yet, but there’s that thing about ‘space’ again… I intend to look after my body as well as my mind – 21kgs lost and a taste for weight training are things I would like to hold on to. And I’d like to get more serious about my writing. I think there’s at least a publishable poem or two in me!
Finally, to the advice I would give my younger self. Apart from don’t throw up in the sink, don’t go to sleep in your contact lenses, don’t stab your sister with a needle and don’t press the panic alarm when pissed (all in one night, folks) …? The first thing would be to learn much sooner to stand up to domineering parents! I had to grow up fast in my early teens, only to be kept on tight reins in my late teens and beyond. If you’re not given roots AND wings, you need to forge them for yourself, young lady! And linked to that, trust yourself – don’t let other people determine the path of your life… trust your own mind, make your own decisions, and go your own way. At the end of the day, the best thing you can be in life is yourself.
50shadesofbrave 