I have known, or at least known of Joss since we were around 13 years old although we didn’t meet more than fleetingly (usually at a competition or audition) until we were 18 and at music college. We had the same flute teacher in London, and I know that the name ‘Jocelyn’ frequently came up in my lessons… I didn’t actually ask her if the same was true in reverse!
Naturally, our conversation focused quite heavily on our flute backgrounds, our experiences pre and during music college (including paternal influence) and what had happened afterwards. Music was always the path Joss felt she would follow, and with early evidence of her talent she made great strides. Where I had a mother who was the self-appointed guardian of scale-practice, for Joss it was her father who was the flute practice ‘enforcer’ in her younger years. She related how she was made to practice for two-and-a-half hours a day, with only birthdays and Christmas Day off – except for when she was 12, because it was her Grade 8 exam the day after her birthday, so practice she must! It was moving to hear her say that she now sees that the pressure from her dad was probably due to him trying to live success through her, and that at times the pushing was relentless to the point of making her cry. She did enjoy lots of success – in BBC Young Musician (three semi-finals culminating in being runner up in the woodwind class to the eventual overall winner, Emma Johnson), second place in the Shell-LSO competition whilst in 6th form at Chetham’s School of Music in Manchester, gaining a position in the European Community Youth Orchestra (she mentions several tours in Europe including Italy and the then ‘Eastern Bloc’ countries), and winning a scholarship to the Royal College of Music where she was offered opportunities to premiere new works and perform a concerto at the Barbican with the London Symphony Orchestra. For different reasons from me, Joss didn’t complete her studies at RCM, transferring to the Guildhall School of Music after two years to study with a more suitable / inspirational teacher.
In her final year at Guildhall, Joss got pregnant and had her first baby before she had even finished her course. She told me how her dream job would have been to be Principal Flute at La Scala, Milan and that her idea was to send her kids to boarding school and get on with her career. Motherhood has different ideas though, and in a story I’ve heard somewhere before she tells me about the realisation that she couldn’t be the mother she wanted to be whilst chasing a high-profile career. We agreed that whilst for many women this is an act they can balance, for both her and me it was not. So, for a while the flute took a back seat and life went in something of a different direction.
Having been born in Cornwall and brought up in Worcestershire, Joss moved back to Cornwall to live with her Mum for a while. During this period, she showed immense versatility, working an impressive portfolio of jobs, ranging from a role in a scuba diving company, to a job as an antique restorer, as well as taking a secretarial course and painting pottery made by her then husband. Eventually, as a single Mum and now with two children in tow, she moved back to London and started playing again – she told me that Miss Saigon in the West End was her first professional gig. Since then, she has become a highly respected flute teacher, working in schools as well as teaching privately and publishing flute tutor books, all of which she loves. We talk a bit about the ‘lot’ of professional musicians, and about the perils of being one during the Covid lockdown. Joss taught online for at least 8 hours a day during that time, and isn’t sure she’s ever recovered from the eye-strain caused by staring at a screen for so many hours! She tells me that one day she will retire, when finances permit, and plans are afoot to keep herself busy with crafting when she does (see @forgetmenotjoss on Instagram for details!).
Talking numbers, Joss lists 3 children,1 marriage and 60 years to reach a present state where she describes herself as happy, content with her lot, chilled and financially secure. She is a busy person, who doesn’t like to ‘sit on her arse’ and doesn’t suffer fools – ‘my face tells everyone how I feel’, she says. Although she does feel older, and sees more wrinkles on her face and a body that isn’t what it was, Joss also describes age as ‘all relative’. We agree that now that we’re there, 60 sounds older than it feels! Amongst the advantages, she points to her over-60s London travelcard, her over 60’s railcard (which has paid for itself in one trip) and free swims at the local gym.
She is clear about the influence (not always good) her father had on making her who she is, and of the counter-influence of her Mum, and realises how those things have affected her own relationships in life. Seeing her parents stay together ‘for the sake of the kids’ was something she swore not to do in her life, and forms part of the advice 60-year-old Joss would give her younger self. ‘You don’t need a man to complete you – be true to yourself’ is what she’d tell her 30-year-old self. Whilst to her 18-year-old self, the rather more practical advice of ‘don’t start smoking’! The other important bits of advice are to ‘learn to enjoy your own company’, and to ‘relax and trust your instincts’.
Joss is recently back from Cambodia, where she celebrated her 60th birthday as part of a dream trip that incorporated there, Vietnam, and Bangkok. The tour group had a celebratory meal in Vietnam, whilst on the actual day of her birthday her travel companion Carolyn woke her up with party poppers. She also had a video call with her kids, and the ease and joy that technology brings to life is one of the changes in the world that she sees as a definite positive. More travel is definitely on the agenda for the future, and eventually she wants to move out of London to the coast – to coin a phrase, Joss says she is ‘tired of London, but definitely NOT tired of life’.
50shadesofbrave 