Today would have been my 20th wedding anniversary. But it’s not. I keep telling myself that now it’s really ‘just another day’… quite a difficult one this year though.
I have been anticipating this day since the start of the year. I hadn’t been anticipating spending it alone. I actually spent the past week desperately trying to plan today so that I was occupied doing something ‘brave’ that I could blog about… By yesterday I had reached crisis point: I was going to fly somewhere for the day / drive for hours in search of the perfect sunrise / book an expensive spa day / traipse the country in my efforts not to face today. Madness…
I did do one brave thing yesterday, trying (not for the first time) to offer an olive branch in an attempt to resurrect a relationship that was a casualty of the divorce fallout. I was rebuffed… and last night that was just about the icing on my already dismal-looking cake. I had a few glasses of wine, bent the ear of a friend, shed a few tears and had a very rough night’s sleep… (Why do we *always* wake at the crack of dawn on days when we have no need to??!?)
This morning, after a leisurely breakfast, I spruced up the living room (including washing all the cushion covers) then showered, packed self and dog in the car and headed for the coast. A bracing windy walk at Ogmore, a cup of tea and a cake at Llantwit Major and a pleasant meander through country roads before two tired bunnies headed home for a well-earned siesta!! A drink tonight, and then me and the 3rd of August will both be put to bed.
In fact, today turning out as it has has given me time to just BE and time to reflect on the path that has brought me here and the path I want to take now. Time alone with myself and my thoughts… which can be hard, but is very necessary. And which allows me to remind myself that I AM OK and that:
[25 down, 25 to go… BRING IT ON!!]