50shadesofbrave

It has taken some time to pin Sarah down to gather the information for this blog! We recently caught up in a window of time between a European road-trip and visit to Iceland, and pre-Mallorca and the Yorkshire Dales…

Sarah and I first got to know each other in a rather convoluted fashion – I was at school with her husband, whose sister Siân was a friend of my neighbour (and obviously sister-in-law of Sarah)… anyway, it was through a fundraising quiz in memory of Siân that we got to know each other, and we have remained friends ever since. Losing her sister-in-law in her 40s and another friend in her 50s, both to cancer, has made Sarah all the more grateful to have made it to 60 herself. She feels privileged that she has also been able to retire (even though she finds herself questioning whether she can afford to!) and determined to make the most of the years to come. These two momentous occasions in a short space of time were celebrated by a party, and time abroad with family. She tells me how honoured she felt that her two grown-up sons actually wanted to spend that time with her – something I can definitely relate to.

Ironically, she tells me that she felt a greater sense of ‘getting old’ when she reached 40! Sarah says she feels freer about life at this age than she has done previously, and has a laid back attitude to things. This is a contrast to how she has felt getting to this point, and she describes how she has often been a people-pleaser, and has suffered from imposter syndrome in her career – she tells me she’s cross with herself for being like that and doesn’t want it to define her as she gets older.

For someone who claims not to be a great planner, she has achieved a lot in life, even if it isn’t what she thought she would. As a youngster, Sarah was set on following in her grandfather’s footsteps by joining the forces. To her, the RAF offered a structure with opportunities to travel the world. She describes herself as a tomboy growing up, but also acknowledges that when push came to shove, she’d have been useless in a war. Probably for the best, then, that she failed the medical and didn’t get in. What happened next led her on a path of twists and turns as a statistician, a market researcher for a finance company, then a call centre worker and later team leader. She found herself working evenings, and even nights, in order to fit around childcare – taking the kids home from school and heading straight to work, finishing in time to go home to get them ready and take them to school in the morning. I’m in awe of how she managed to function! But taking such opportunities gave her an admirable skill set, so when she applied for and was offered a role as a ‘People Manager’ for BT Global, that was the start of a trajectory that saw her pinnacle as Global HR Director.

Sarah’s career achievements are all the more astounding when you take into account that  her eldest son (Luke) is autistic, and that her husband (Ian) has suffered from a succession of health crises that have left him with a permanent disability. Bringing up an autistic son in the 90s and 00s was not like it is now, as the condition was not well understood and there was little support. She tells me how she and Ian managed it as parents, and that many of their decisions were taken in order to make space for Luke to progress in school and later work, whilst also ensuring that younger brother Jack didn’t get to feel that his place was more as ‘Luke’s brother’ than as an individual. That coupled with Ian suffering a brain haemorrhage leading to years of epilepsy, and in recent years a seizure that nearly cost him his life, and it is clear that Sarah has worked hard as the matriarch of the family. She too has had a number of challenges, with both hip and knee replacements over the course of two years… and not just any two years, the two years when her husband had decided to decamp to a teaching post in China! Is there anything this woman cannot handle?!

In spite of all of the above, Sarah tells me that her proudest achievement in life is undoubtedly her kids. She describes them as both very different, but both kind and courteous young men who have made their own way in life. She has brought them up with the same strong family values as she had in her family. She speaks fondly of both her parents, especially her dad, who she only lost last year. She recounts how both her maternal grandmother and her mother were strong women who worked hard to ensure their families had as many opportunities in life as possible. Her nanna was her hero, in whom she saw an amazing work ethic and a commitment to enabling her children to move on up from their tough council estate upbringing. This, coupled with her own experiences of bringing up her children, of Ian’s dalliances with death, and of losing two friends too soon in life, have shown her that her values lie with people over things.

We talk a little about what we think of today’s world and what we think the future might hold. There are some advances that Sarah sees as a double-edged sword – technology for example brings great benefits, but she also sees how it is wiping out entry-level jobs; social media is great for keeping in touch with far-flung friends, but the dark side of it all is somewhat scary; and as for politics, she feels it has become too much of a game with too little real statesmanship or accountability. She would love to think the world will be a better place for her children and grandchildren, but isn’t sure it will be.

In spite of having had a job that involved quite a lot of travel, this is still something Sarah would like to do more of in the future. She tells me that whilst travel with work certainly opened her eyes to the world, it doesn’t really give more than a snapshot of a country and its culture. She would like to return to some of the countries she’s been to for more immersive experiences rather than just to tick the sights off a list. Her other wishes for the future are to see her kids happy and settled, and maybe one day enjoy being a grandmother. But in the meanwhile, to take some time for herself.

Finally, I ask Sarah what advice her 60-year-old self would offer to young Sarah. ‘Stop worrying about what other people think’ is the first thing. She would counsel her younger self to learn to be comfortable with who she is and not compare herself to others. She tells me she has never been as kind to herself as she has been to other people, and we return to the ‘imposter syndrome’ that all of the above has given rise to, particularly during her career. The last bit of advice is ‘there’s always a solution to every problem, so nothing is really worth losing sleep over’. Excellent advice that I think all of us could use from time to time!